Honor Roll:
Justin Aaberg, Cassidy Joy Andel click here, Cody Barker click here, Asher Brown click here, Tyler Clementi click here, Ashlynn Connor click here, Jared Benjamin High click here, Jessica Logan click here, Tyler Lee Long click here, (William) Billy Lucas click here, Jamey Rodemeyer click here, Matthew Shepard click here, Steven Donald James Urry click here
JUSTIN AABERG
March 9, 1995 – July 9, 2010
I start with Justin because he is one of the people whose death, despite his mothers pleas, has gone pretty much unrecognized by the administrators of the Anoka-Hennepin School District, the Christian right and government servants like Michele Bachmann.
To those who knew Justin, he was a happy kid. He always had a big smile and, although he was shy, he had lots of friends. It was said by his friends that he succeeded at everything he touched. He was an accomplished cellist who composed and performed his own music. Justin came out of the closet at the age of 13. His mother, Tammy, although very accepting, was scared because she knew early on the criticism and harassment her beautiful son would likely have to endure. But she never knew how bad it would get. She even commented after his death, I actually thought he had the perfect life. I thought out of anybody I knew that he had the perfect life. She, however, sadly added, But I guess he didn’t think so. On July 9, 2010, after suffering the torment of constantly being bullied by his classmates and breaking up with his boyfriend, Justin hanged himself by his futon frame in his bedroom. He was 15-years old.
In the weeks that followed his death Tammy finally found out the truth from many of Justin’s friends who had also been having the same bullying issues as Justin. Tammy Aaberg has become her late son’s biggest advocate to make it better right now.
Go Tammy!
Rest in Peace, Justin.
I personally promise you that we are doing everything we can.
******************************************.
Jamey Rodemeyer
March 21, 1997 – September 18, 2011
Every bullycide is tragic, but this one is especially so because Jamey was an anti-bullying advocate, using various forms of social media as his platform. In the end, however, it was that very same social media that brought him down. He often spoke out about bullying and he participated in the It Gets Better project. Back in May he put out a You Tube video telling the world about the taunting and bullying he was putting up with on a daily basis. He said, I felt like I could never escape it, but I have so much support from people I don’t even know online…They don’t ever want me to die. He ended that video with these words: Hold your head up high and you’ll go far. Just love yourself and you’re set. I promise you, it will get better.
Jamey Rodemeyer was a freshman at Williamsville North High School in Williamsville, New York, a suburb of Buffalo. His family and friends described him as the sweetest, kindest kid you’d ever know. He would give all his heart to you before he gave any to himself. He made friends of the friendless. He always wanted other people to smile, even on the worst of his days. On another You Tube post in December, 2010, Jamey came out as bisexual. The bullying, however, began years before. His mother, Tracey Rodemeyer, said that he had bullying issues since the fifth grade and that he had suicidal tendencies even back then. The taunting and bullying both at school and online got to an intolerable point for Jamey. One online post said, Jamie is stupid, gay, fat and ugly, he must die! Another read, I wouldn’t care if you died. No one would, so just do it 
. It would make everyone way more happier!
Although Jamey had been seeing a social worker and a therapist nobody, including his family, realized that he had reached his breaking point. However, if anybody had put the pieces together they would have discovered that Jamey was in distress and had made the decision to end his life at least 2 weeks prior. The alarm bells began going off in his writings on September 8th. He wrote:
No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you’re the ones calling me faggot and tearing me down.
On September 9th he wrote:
I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. What do I have to do so people will listen to me?
He also posted the lyrics to a song by Hollywood Undead:
I just wanna say good-bye, disappear with no one knowing
I don’t wanna live this lie, smiling to the world unknowing
I don’t want you to try, you’ve done enough to keep me going
I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine for the very last time.
Then on September 17th, just one day before his death, he posted a piece of the lyrics from his idol, his inspiration – Lady Gaga, from her hit The Queen:
Don’t forget me when I come crying to heaven’s door.
Lastly, on September 18th, shortly before he killed himself, he posted that he really wanted to see his great-grandfather, who had recently died, and one last post offering his thanks to Lady Gaga.
At about 3:30 p.m. on Sunday afternoon, September 18, 2011, Jamey Rodemeyer took his life. He was only 14-years old.
Rest in Peace, Jamey
I assure you someone is listening. I am listening. We are listening.
ASHER BROWN
March 1, 1997 – September 23, 2010
One year ago today Asher Brown shot himself in the head with his father’s 9mm Beretta.
Asher was a boy small of stature; he was a Buddhist; he didn’t wear the latest designer clothes; and he had recently come out as gay—and he wasn’t afraid to tell his friends. As his stepfather, David Truong, commented, He was very different…He was an individual! His mother, Amy Truong, said, He was just a sweet boy. Asher was a great boy. He was very smart.
When he started 8th grade at Hamilton Middle School in Cypress, Texas, unrelenting bullying picked up right where it had left off at the end of 7th grade, in fact, at the end of the 5th and 6th grades as well. This year the bullying intensified with his decision to come out of the closet at the beginning of the school year. Kids in his gym class even acted out mock gay sex acts. Asher’s parents say they knew about much of the bullying that was going on as much as a year and a half in advance and they made several calls to the school district. All calls however went unanswered. Initially the school denied that any calls had been received and there were no reports of bullying from students, staff members or parents. They later admitted to some communication with Asher’s parents. Asher himself was reluctant to report being bullied because he was afraid it would only get worse.
The day before his death a student tripped him twice down two flights of stairs and kicked his books all over the floor, pretty much in view of a sign that reads NO BULLY SCHOOL ZONE. The sign is clearly posted in front of the school and has been there for over two years. That apparently was the event that put him over the edge. The next day when his stepfather came home from work he found his son dead of s self-inflicted gun shot wound to his head. Asher Brown was 13-years old.
After his death the Human Rights Campaign released the following statement:
This young man had a wonderful life ahead of him, but he was bullied to death because he was gay. This tragedy was preventable. We urge school districts and state legislatures everywhere to implement anti-bullying policies and laws that protect all students.
Asher’s uncle, Jonathan Truong, a minister, said it best at Asher’s Memorial Service:
The bullies ripped him up and tore him down everyday. He was a David among Goliaths. But Asher’s heart was so big! His heart made him a giant.
Rest in Peace, Asher
You are a giant among men!
Uncle Jonathan also said, this is a hate issue, and we are not going to rest until all children are safe from hate at school.
I promise you, Asher, whatever it takes, we will eliminate hate at school.
***********************************.
Tyler Clementi
April 29, 1992 – September 22, 2010
Although there have been hundreds of high-profile teen suicide cases over the years, including at least five others in the month of September, 2010 alone, this is the one that put bullying on the front pages of almost every single news publication and news broadcast in the country. Because of the death of Tyler Clementi people are finally paying attention to this very serious issue – including me.
Tyler Clementi was a freshman at Rutgers University in Piscataway, New Jersey. He had graduated from Ridgewood High School located in Ridgewood, New Jersey near the top of his class. Above all else he was an accomplished violinist. He played in the front row of the second violins in the Symphony Orchestra of Ridgewood. Diane Wade, a fellow violinist in the orchestra said, He was so incredibly talented – I could not believe how good he was for such a young boy. He also participated in the Bergen Youth Orchestra as concertmaster. One of his longtime friends wrote, I will always remember everything from our preschool’s Halloween party to your amazing musical talents. When you picked up the violin and began to play, it was as if everything just paused until you put it down again. His friends said that he was a shy, self-contained student. Before he went to college he came out to his family. Although his father and other siblings accepted him, his mother unfortunately rejected him. That, however, didn’t stop him from being an out, proud gay man with his friends.
On two separate occasions in mid-September Tyler asked his roommate, Dharun Ravi, for some privacy. Mr. Ravi complied and went down the hall to a another student’s room. Ravi says that he secretly live streamed video from his computer in his dorm room because he was afraid his iPad would be stolen. What he saw was Tyler kissing another man. He made the decision to send the video to other people on the internet. As soon as Tyler found out he complained to his resident assistant and two other campus officials. He also complained in detail on the social message boards Just Us Boys and Yahoo! A couple of days later Ravi again secretly live streamed Tyler with his boyfriend. This time, however, Tyler couldn’t handle it. On April 22, 2010, he wrote on his FaceBook page:Jumping off the gw bridge sorry. About an hour or so later he made good on his threat and jumped off of the George Washington Bridge. He was 18-years old.
Dharun Ravi was eventually charged with invasion of privacy, bias intimidation and tampering with evidence. He could face up to 10 years in prison.
Tyler Clementi’s bullycide set off a plethora of national and local conversations, workshops, town hall meetings and the like regarding issues of cyberbullying, teen suicide, privacy and gay rights. Many schools have formed Gay-Straight Alliances creating safe spaces for LGBTQ youth. NJ Senator Frank Lautenberg and NJ Representative Rush Holt introduced H.R. 6425 – The Tyler Clementi Higher Education Anti-Harassment Act of 2010 to prevent harassment at institutions of higher education. It, however, was never enacted into law and died at the end of the 111th Congressional Session. 
Tyler’s suicide inspired Spirit Day which was first observed on October 20, 2010. People were asked to wear purple to show their support for bullying victims among LGBTQ youth. On March 9, 2001, the Tyler Clementi Point Scholarship for LGBTQ students of merit was established. Many anti-bullying laws and policies have been enacted throughout the country, as a matter of fact, throughout the world.
Rest in Peace, Tyler
You have made it better right now for many.
I only wish we could have made it better for you.
******************************************.
Jared Benjamin High
September 23, 1985 – September 29, 1998
Lest you think that Bullycide is a new concept in our culture let me tell you about a boy who committed suicide as a result of the humiliation and pain his bully inflicted on him 13 years ago last week. Yes, the word bullycide is a relatively newer term. As a matter of fact it does not yet show up in most standard dictionaries or word processing programs with spell-check in them, although I suspect now that it has been added to the standard vernacular, dictionaries and spell-checkers are not far behind. The word bullycide was first used by British authors Neil Marr and Tim Fields in their book Bullycide: Death at Playtime. Although the book was published back in 2001 the term didn’t gain traction until the latter part of 2010. It actually has two definitions. The one I use refers to suicide attributable to victims who have been bullied. The lesser known definition is the killing of a bully by his victim.
Jared led an active, happy, seemingly normal life which his mother beautifully chronicles on the website Jared’s Story. I suggest you check it out when you get a chance.
On May 6, 1998, all of that changed when 98 lb. Jared was severely beaten by a 175 lb. known bully inside the gym of McLoughlin Middle School, in Pasco, Washington. Both Jared and his bully were interrogated by the Vice Principal who himself has a reputation of bullying people. The interrogation took place with both Jared and his bully in the same room at the same time, without a parent or another adult present. Because Jared was so scared he took partial blame for the attack.
Jared was beaten so badly that his Chiropractor remarked, It looks like he’s been through a major car accident! As a result of the pain from his injuries Jared was diagnosed with Bi-Polar type Depression. Adding insult to injury, the school system basically told Jared and his family that he got what he deserved so that they wouldn’t have to cover his medical bills. Jared’s bully was sent to an Anger Management Class and an apology was sent by the school to Jared and his family. That was it! Unbelievable! On September 29, 1998, as a result of depression, physical pain, post traumatic stress disorder and a feeling of worthlessness, Jared Benjamin High took his life. He was 13-years old.
Rest in Peace, Jared
I assure you that we will work tirelessly to end bullycide in this world.
****************************************.
February 15, 1990 – July 3, 2008
Not all bullying is LGBTQ related. It happens to everyone – gay and straight, boys and girls, whites and blacks – bullying is an equal opportunity crime. And yes folks – make no mistake about it, whether or not laws and policies have been passed and implemented – bullying is a crime. Just ask Jessica’s mother, Cynthia. She’s filed a lawsuit naming the school district, the local police department, and the 4 students who initially spread the hate.
To all who knew her, Jessica was a vivacious, kind-hearted, wonderful kid who made friends easily. She wanted everyone to like her. She was known for always trying to find the good in people. She was optimistic almost to a fault. Her mother said in an interview that Jessica was pretty and right-brained smart. She was extremely artistic; she loved to draw; she loved music; and she was great in language arts and social studies. She, however, wasn’t so good at math and science.
All of that said, she made the biggest mistake of her life by sexting a nude picture of herself to her boyfriend. For those of you unfamiliar with what sexting is, it is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between cellphones. In and of itself it wasn’t a problem because she was 18-years old and her boyfriend was 19-years old. That is, it wasn’t a problem until the couple broke up and the ex-boyfriend forwarded the nude picture of his ex-girlfriend to several people, some of them under age. They in-turn forwarded the picture on to their friends. Then the name-calling began. She was constantly bullied and harassed at school, primarily from girls. It is reported that one girl even threw things at her in the school’s cafeteria. It got so bad that her grades began to plummet; she started skipping classes and school altogether; she would even hide in the girls bathroom to avoid being called filthy names as her mother characterized the harassment. She even made an anonymous plea on a local TV newscast so that no one else would have to go through what she had been enduring.
The harassment continued in the form of cyber-bullying after graduation from Sycamore High School in Cincinnati, Ohio. She couldn’t even go out in public without being bullied because so many had seen the picture and knew her story. I have no doubt that many people were egged-on by her ex-boyfriend and his core group of followers. That, however, is just my opinion.
On July 3, 2008, Jessica Logan finally had had enough. After attending a funeral of a friend who had committed suicide, Jessica came home and hanged herself in her bedroom closet, her cellphone, a symbol of her plight, lying in the middle of the room. She was 18-years old with a bright future ahead of her. How promising was it? I’ll let you decide. Here’s a poem she wrote for a writer’s workshop she had taken in high school:
The door that lies before you
Offers opportunity, hope, and a prosperous future
The door does not promise anything,
Only you can ensure your own destiny
The door that stands before you is a decision,
Symbolic to your future and past
What has happened?
What is yet to happen?
And the present time you are in.
Crossing through can have great risk,
But with great risk comes great reward
If you do not risk you do not gain nor lose anything
You are untainted by knowledge of
What lies beyond your present life
The door itself
Makes no promises.
It is only a door.
©Jessica Logan
Rest in Peace, Jessica
You are sorely missed by all who knew and loved you.
December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998
Thirteen years ago this week Matthew Shepard was murdered. It was one of the most horrific hate crimes of our time. It changed the way we talk about and deal with hate not only in the United States, but around the world. Although Matt’s death was not as a result of bullycide, he absolutely deserves to be honored here.
Matt’s parents, Judy and Dennis Shepard, summed up their son’s life best in a statement they made at the time of Matt’s death:
Matthew is a very special person, and everyone can learn important lessons from his life. All of us who know Matthew see him as he is, a very kind and gentle soul. He is a strong believer in humanity and human rights. He is a trusting person who takes everybody at face value and he does not see the bad side of anyone. His one intolerance is when people don’t accept others as they are. He has always strongly felt that all people are the same; regardless of their sexual preference, race or religion.
We know he believes that all of us are part of the same family called Humanity, and each and everyone of us should treat all people with respect and dignity, and that each of us has the right to live a full and rewarding life. That is one lesson which we are very certain he would share with you, if he could.
Matthew also feels strongly about family. He is a loving son, brother and grandson who has made our own lives much richer and fuller than what we would have experienced without him.
Matthew’s life has often been a struggle in one way or another. He was born prematurely, and he struggled to survive as an infant. He is physically short in stature but we believe he is a giant when it comes to respecting the worth of others. We know that he thinks if he can make one person’s life better in this world, then he has succeeded. That is a measure of success which Matthew has always pursued.
Matthew very much enjoys the outdoors and camping, and he has always loved acting in the theatre he started acting in community theatre at the age of 5. Acting and the theatre arts are skills at which Matthew excels.
He knows he’s not the best athlete in the world but he has a very competitive spirit. One time he participated in the Wyoming State Games. He had a respectable finish in a running competition and then he decided to compete in a swimming event. He did this even though he knew he would likely finish last. Which he did. Afterwards, he acknowledged to us that he knew his chances of winning were far from good but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from trying. That’s Matthew’s lesson for all of us. It’s a lesson that we hope everyone takes to heart.
Matthew has traveled all over the world. He speaks three languages: English, German and Italian. He loves Europe, but he also loves Laramie and the University of Wyoming. We feel that, if he was giving this statement himself, he would emphasize he does not want the horrible actions of a few very disturbed individuals to mar the fine reputations of Laramie or the university.
On October 7, 1998, Matt was brutally attacked and severely beaten by two men in Laramie, Wyoming. After fighting for his life for five long days, he lost his hard fought battle and died of his injuries on October 12, 1998. Matthew Shepard was 21-years old.
Rest in Peace, Matt
May your light shine upon us in our mission to end hate.
*******************************
.
(William) Billy Lucas
September 6, 1995 – September 9, 2010
Billy Lucas was different. He had darker skin because he was part Indian and part Asian. He was more of an artist than a sportsman. His passion was his horses. He was 3-months old when he rode his first horse. He was an equestrian champion. He was liked and had a lot of friends.
All of that, however, changed when his family moved to Indiana when Billy was in 4th grade. The bullying began almost immediately and didn’t stop for 5 years. Most of the time he took the abuse silently, as most of us do. He would often come home from school with bruises and stories of being kicked and hit. Once he even told his mother, You don’t know what it’s like to be afraid of who is going to hit you, who will trip you or who will kick you. Although his mother reported the bullying to the school district on several occasions nothing was ever done.
When he started as a high school freshman at Greensburg Community High School in Greensburg, Indiana, he hoped that things would be different; that they would get better. Unfortunately, they only got worse. Billy never said he was gay, but the bullies perceived him to be. One of his friends commented on Billy being bullied, People would call him ‘fag’ and stuff like that, just make fun of him because he was different basically.
Everyone knew he was being bullied but they did nothing. Ironically, on September 9th, 2010, Billy was suspended from school for finally standing up for himself. He cussed at a couple of girls who were unmercifully taunting him. They told him that he was like a piece of crap, and he didn’t deserve to live.
Later that night he went out to the barn to take care of and be with his beloved horses. When he didn’t come in his mother went out to the barn looking for him. She found him hanging in the barn, the reigns of his horse around his neck. Billy Lucas had just turned 15-years old days earlier.
Rest in Peace, Billy
Everyone is different,
and that really is what makes
everyone the same.
-Unknown
*****************************
.
Tyler Lee Long
Tyler Long was misunderstood by his classmates. You see, he was diagnosed withAsperger’s Syndrome at a very young age. Asperger’s is a developmental disorder involving delays in the development of many basic skills, most notably the ability to socialize and communicate with others. As a young boy Tyler lagged far behind others in starting to talk and walk. In school he didn’t make eye contact with anybody; he hated to be touched; and he was unable to connect with the other kids.
As he got older his mind developed, one would argue, above average. He was taking all honors and AP classes. He was a computer geek. When he graduated from high school he wanted to go to the University of Texas and study graphic design. His dream was to design complex computer games. He was a member of ROTC. He enjoyed fishing, golf and karate. His mother, Tina said, Karate is very structured, very literal, very ritualized. It fit with the way he [Tyler] thought.
Social interaction, however, seemed to be beyond Tyler. The only friends he had were virtual ones on the internet. Because he was so aloof as a result of his Asperger’s he was obviously misunderstood. The bullying began at the end of 5th grade. As the years went on it got progressively worse. Tyler was routinely punched and thrown into lockers. The bullies constantly told him that they couldn’t wait until he was six feet under. It has been reported by several students that, under the watchful eyes of teachers and administrators, kids would spit into his food and stuff it into his mouth at lunch in the cafeteria. When Tina Long brought the bullying of her son to the school’s attention, the school simply responded by saying: Oh, they [the bullies] didn’t mean it, boys will be boys, or he just took it the wrong way.
On October 17, 2009, two weeks before he earned his black belt in karate, a skill that he never used against his bullies, because it was not in his nature to fight, Tyler Lee Long had had enough and he took his own life. His parents found him dangling from a belt in his closet. He was only 17-years old.
Rest in Peace, Tyler
He was my best friend, my role model.
I looked to him for advice.
-Troy Long (Tyler’s younger brother)
******************************
.
Cody Barker
March 25, 1993 – September 13, 2010
Cody Barker had everything to live for and nothing to hide. He was a fan of Lady Gagaand James Bond movies. His favorite movie, however, was Titanic. He sang in the high school choir and was a World War II aficionado, so much so that it was said that he could teach the class better than most teachers. He was described as an extremely selfless guy who enjoyed spending time with his friends, tending to his rose plants, biking and reading.
Above and beyond all of that, Cody was an advocate; a passionate activist. He was gay, and he was out and proud. His family completely accepted his homosexuality. He was involved in an LGBTQ support group in nearby Appleton, Wisconsin. During summer break he attended a leadership workshop to help start a Gay/Straight Alliance at his school, Shiocton Senior High School is Shiocton, Wisconsin.
As is the case of many openly gay high school students, Cody was bullied – how badly we will never know. His mother, Darla Barker, said that Cody once told her that he never went to the restroom between classes out of fear. Name-calling and whispering were common in the halls. Maria Peeples, Cody’s mentor at GSA for Safe Schools said, The teen [Cody] was a passionate activist for students, especially to those targeted or ostracized for their sexual orientation or their gender identity and expression…He really cared about making schools a safe place for students. That wasn’t always his own experience with school.
The morning of September 3, 2010, 9 days into his senior year, Cody Barker appeared to be an upbeat mood. The Shiocton School District has denied that bullying had occurred. Superintendent Chris VanderHeyden said, Right now everybody’s looking for someone to be the poster child for this issue. As soon as it was announced that this young man was gay and that he killed himself, everyone immediately started connecting dots that weren’t there. I wouldn’t be so sure of myself, Superintendent VanderHeden. All indications were that something major happened to push Cody over the edge that fateful day. His mother says that she is absolutely certain that her son was bullied to death. That evening he hung himself in the barn on his family’s farm northwest of Appleton, Wisconsin. Cody Barker was 17-years old.
Rest in Peace, Cody
Should you find yourself the victims
of other people’s bitterness, ignorance,
smallness or insecurities…remember this,
things could be much worse.
You could be one of them.
-Unknown
December 2, 2000 – November 11, 2011
It’s happened yet again! Another child is being buried today whose death is a result of bullycide! This time the victim was only 10-years old. Ashlynn Connor was a 5th-grade honors student at Georgetown-Ridge Farm Elementary School in Georgetown, Illinois (located about 50 mile from Champaign, Illinois.)
Ashlynn was a happy girl with a contagious smile. School Superintendent Kevin Tate, who lived a couple of house away from the Connor family said that, she [Ashlynn] seemed like a happy-go-lucky, good-natured girl. She played trumpet in the school band, and she enjoyed cleaning. She was a person who wanted to help others whenever she could. Her mother, Stacy Connor (a single mom of 2 young girls), tells the story of when Ashlynn was in 3rd grade. She brings this bag down the hallway, brought it to me and said they were clothes and they were to go to Haiti. She didn’t want them anymore because they needed them more than she did. Even at 10-years old she knew that she wanted to be a veterinarian. She loved animals and she didn’t want to see them sick or hurting. Lory Hackney, Ashlynn’s grandmother who also lives with them, said that Ashlynn was excited about Thanksgiving and turning 11.
The bullying began when Ashlynn was 7-years old. Grandmother Hackney reported,When she [Ashlynn] started cheering for youth football, we’d gotten her hair cut in a bob. The kids started making fun of her then. They started calling her a boy…To this day she hated to have her hair cut. Several girls at Ridge Farm Elementary had been bullying Ashlynn relentlessly over a 3 year period. They called her things like fat, ugly and they called her a slut (a term that Ashlynn didn’t know the meaning of.) Her mother was fully aware of the bullying, but she admits that she didn’t know what to do about it. When speaking to a local television station last weekend Mrs. Connor said, I really thought she had it all under control because I thought she was listening to me…I thought, my kids are strong kids, that my words to them for guidance and advise was going to have more weight than what these kids could be saying.
Thursday night, after being harassed by 3 girls all day long, Ashlynn asked her mother if she could be home schooled. Mom denied her request. Apparently by Friday night Ashlynn thought that there was no way out for her. Her mother recalls hearing her on the phone complaining to a friend about not being allowed to be home schooled. About 30 minutes later Ashlynn’s 14-year old sister, Michaila Baldwin, found her baby sister hanging in her bedroom closet by one of her scarves. Grandmother Hackney, a retired registered nurse, unsuccessfully performed CPR until EMS arrived. Ashlynn Connor was 21 days away from her 11th birthday.
Rest in Peace, Ashlynn
Words can hurt or heal.
What did yours do today?
-Unknown
CASSIDY JOY ANDEL
October 26, 1994 – November 4, 2010
Today we honor another young lady who was bullied to death only days after her 16th birthday.
Cassidy Joy Andel lived in Cooperstown, North Dakota. One of her friends, Caitlin, said,Everyone knew her [Cassidy] as this happy ball of sunshine. She was outgoing and so full of life. Cassidy was an athlete; she played piano; she taught Sunday school; she was an avid photographer; and she liked to hunt. By all appearances Cassidy led a full, happy life. Uncle Mike Andel wrote on Cassidy’s FaceBook Tribute page:
For those who didn’t know Cassidy…she was the one that always had a smile on her face, always willing to meet the new kid, and loved just getting out and having fun…She is/was a super good kid, and will always be missed!!!!
There were several girls at her school who apparently made it their mission to bully Cassidy day and night, with endless texts, instant messages and anonymous Formspring attacks, calling her fat and telling her that she would never get a boyfriend. It is important to point out here that North Dakota is 1 of 9 States that currently does not have any bullying or cyberbullying legislation on their books. On Wednesday, November 3, 2010, Cassidy posted on her FaceBook page:
If you don’t like the way I am, then don’t come around me. If you don’t like the way that I talk, then don’t listen. If you don’t like the way I dress, then don’t look. But don’t waste my time telling me about it. I don’t care.
We don’t know what when through Cassidy’s mind during the night, but at 6 a.m. on Nov ember 4, 2010, she wrote one last message on her FaceBook page. It read:
My time has come, and so I’m gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you all as you can see. But it’s better now, because I’m fine.
Cassidy Joy Andel was barely 16-years old.
Rest in Peace, Cassidy
In today’s world, it is hard enough for kids to function as a teenager. Be careful what you say, text or post to FaceBook to someone as you never know what state of mind they are in.
-Statement from the Andel Family
I am also posting here an open letter from Cassidy’s parents, Amy and Lyle Andel, written shortly after her bullycide. They seem to have a good grasp on things, despite the fact that it came too late to help their daughter:
On Thursday, November 4th we lost our daughter Cassidy to suicide. As a family we feel it is important to share our thoughts and to reach out to help others who may be struggling with depression and anxiety as our daughter did. We want the community to know that it is important to learn more about depression as well as the warning signs and risk factors that may lead to suicide. Depression is the leading cause of suicide and is the most treatable of all mood disorders. More than 80 percent of people diagnosed with depression respond positively to treatment.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, has a history of suicide attempts, or has a family history of suicide or depression please get them help. If you or someone you know has seemed hopeless, is having sleeping or eating problems, has talked about dying or has a plan to end their life, please know that help is available. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for assistance. It is vital to know that bullying is one of the many contributing factors that can precipitate a suicide. Suicide is most often the result of a combination of many different factors including emotional, psychological and physical. People who die by suicide desperately want to live, but can’t tolerate the physical and emotional pain they are in and this pain makes it difficult to see other options.
What works is bringing awareness and education about suicide to families, schools and communities. Knowing what to do if someone you know is struggling or talking about ending their life will help save lives. Educational materials such as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s ”More Than Sad: Teen Depression” program can help inform students, teachers and parents about depression. It is our hope that by teaching adolescents to recognize the warning signs of depression in themselves or others suicide deaths will decrease.
To honor and remember our daughter Cassidy, our family will be working with the ND Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and hope to be involved with the Out of the Darkness Community Walks in 2011. We want to work to raise awareness for suicide prevention in our community- not only for our middle and high school students but for those families who have lost someone to suicide as we have.
We want to thank the Cooperstown community for all of the support they have given us during this difficult time in our lives. We could not have gotten through this without you. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We truly believe that if we help provide the resources to our community we can save lives. For anyone wishing to get involved please visit www.afsp.org/northdakota.
Amy and Lyle Andel
Cooperstown, ND
Steven Donald James Urry
April 24, 1993 – December 5, 2006
Bullycide, obviously, is not just an American problem. It’s a worldwide problem! Today we honor a young man from our friends north of the border – Guelph, Ontario, Canada (about 60 miles west of Toronto.) Steven would have been 18-years old this year, with a bright future in front of him. The world would have been literally at his feet, like all high school seniors. Instead his family is observing the 5th anniversary of his death today.
Before junior high school Steven Urry never had an enemy. He was a happy kid with lots of friends. He loved playing hockey with his best friend Garrett Duval. Steven liked speed and cool cars. His grandpa built what he called the Franken-quad, a contraption thrown together with snow mobile parts, a 1968 GMC white dump truck, and the like. One of his favorite things to do was to go behind his grandpa’s country home at drive it on the back roads at dangerously high speeds.
Steven had been bullied for months, and his parents, Pam and Mike Urry, knew it, although they never knew the full extent of the violence. They were mainly aware of the name calling. Stuff like: You’re gay. You’re a fag. His parents hounded school officials almost daily in an attempt to deal with their son’s bullies. Mike Urry later said that they had made the decision to, and were about to taken Steven out of school. They, unfortunately, never got to tell him what they had decided to do.
The morning of December 5, 2006, Mike Urry said that, on his way out the door, on his way to work, Steven was overly dramatic as always. He wrapped his bony little arms around my waist and squeezed for all he was worth. Later that day, when Steven came home from school, Pam Urry said that he was obviously upset and he went right to his room. She tried to talk to him, but he wasn’t willing to, so she let him be for the time being. What Mike and Pam later learned was that earlier in the day Steven was attacked in the school bathroom. His bullies decided it would be fun to set him on fire with a lighter and an aerosol can of body spray. The bullies even recorded their brutal attack on a cell phone and posted the video on the internet. That was the incident that sent Steven over the edge. He hanged himself in his closet in his bedroom. Steven Urry was 13-years old. Despite the graphic, violent video the Crown Attorney’s Office refused to bring charges, claiming there wasn’t a reasonable chance of a conviction.
Rest in Peace, Steven
Because he thought all his friends abandoned him. He thought nobody had any use for him. He died alone and upset and scared.
-Mike Urry
Steven, you have not been abandoned, and you did not die alone. We will not let your bullycide go unnoticed. With your story and others like you, we will spread the word that bullying kills. We need to make it better right now…and we will!
Comments on: "Honoring Victims of Bullycide" (1)
Rest in Peace Justin, Even though you felt as though you didnt have a place in this world, you did. and i hope that your story can open the eyes of many others. Thank you for posting this, it is adding to the bully awareness. Please read my post on bullying. It is called “Wretchedness of Bullycide”